Glad Thanksgiving Is Over

Back to trying to lose the flabbbbb

Happy Gain 5 lbs And Regret It Day1

Hope everyone has a safe holiday :)

Archie Bunker,Super Mario,A Banana & Warmed Up V8

My diet.For my mind then.All In The Family & Nintendo.My diet for my body.A banana a day,and Id warm up v8 and eat it like soup so I wouldnt pass out through my day.Ya know stand up get real dizzy.And alot of water.Gets rid of the salt bloat.I adhered to this diet for a long time,months.Until I was well under 100lbs and a size 0.The best I felt about me in a long time.The abuse continued.I was now about 18-19 now and my husbands Grandmother who lived connected to our house was my "Mom".A feisty old women who taught me alot through the years.I still Miss her.My own Mother..well I heard from her.But it was my Dad who would stop by to check on me.He had no idea what was going on with the abuse or my oh so great "diet".

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Run Away..

(story continued) So at 13 I ran away.Left my Mom and her weirdo boyfriend.Moved in my my SUPER weirdo soon to be husband who beat on me.13 really IS NOT an ideal age to marry ..I couldn't legally marry him until I was 16 after my Dad tried to save me by sicking the cops on me multiple times(good Dad I thank him for this now)and Mom put me in the girls "home" (not so thankful)Dad gave up signed the papers and I was married to my abuser by 15.I loved his family it seemed most of them were sain and he seemed to have fallin off the alcoholic side which was my psycho alcoholic mother in laws side.Who made her 2 boys the way they were. Alcoholics...She really "liked" her boys.Sick.Sick.The days I spent with him I learned alot.Duck,cover,keep your mouth shut,hide the vodka and turn your head when he spits in your face.Starving was my only option in my mind to help my MIND.

Sleep..

Never...why cant I ever just fall asleep Id love to know.During the day Im dead tired and can sleep like a baby.Im sooo irritated so often.I worry about theeee dumbest things you wouldnt believe it! Im jealous of the people who can go to bed and just ..ya know..go to sleep!..my son will lay down and boom hes out,same with the fiance.Come onnn.IF I eat a ton Im out.That does not help.Grrrrr

Do You Think..

Someone can be in Love with 2 people at the same time? SO many people say no...anyone got an opinion?

Why...

Are men such morons? Do they not know women need attention and love or they'll get sick of you and leave? Seriously.If they spent less time thinking about cars,beer and their friends the world would be a happier less divorced place ..just sayinn... and maybe just maybe we wouldnt worry about our fricken weight so much we cant sleep at night and life would just be better in general because Id have a big burger hanging out of my mouth :)

The Big City...

Well its not so big but this is where my eating disorders began,where I met my first abusive husband,yes at 13.At 13 I moved out left moved in with a 21 year old man.An alcoholic abusive man.My Mom couldnt find me or stop me.She tried.Even put me in a home for teenage "bad girls" this was before I got beat,kicked,spit on or thrown around about every month by my soon to be husband.But I stayed.Then I starved.I could do that.He couldnt stop me.My days would consist of a banana and alcohol. I was now about 100 pds at 5' 4" and I was in my glory.Whatever he did didnt bother me as much.I had my own control over myself.Until Dad decided he wanted to help save me.Yep..DAD.... Visit Our Eating Disorder Forum Forum

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Was That A Bone In That Hotdog?!

So I called Sara Lee...That is disgusting.I can see hamburger not a fully cooked hotdog..They are sending me 3 free items.I said why would I want more ..seriously? And tomorrow is my birthday..Ill be 35! that means cake and food.Another day of trauma..Ill be continuing my story from below.But I also like to throw in some current things too.600 calories today.The hotdog actually helped go figure..

Not Part Of The Story But..

I must say women with babies who are rail thin.Tick me offf lol

Mom...Gone To Skin & Bones

Yep skin and bones took her to the hospital.Now it was my Dad my sister and I.I didnt understand much then.SO I just went on with life as a kid that I was.She was released after a few months..Dad let me cut off all my hair.Mom was pissed! By the time I was 13 I had heard and seen fights and Mom cheating on Dad..One night I woke up to him beating her with a butt of a gun.While the mans wife she had been cheating on Dad with was standing in our kitchen.Obviously this was how Dad found out..The mans WIFE...He was abusive to her, so in a way I didnt blame her for cheating.One day while he was working Mom said to pack my things we are moving out.My sister had already moved out.Thank goodness.We didnt ever get along and still dont to this day..I thought hey why not,it really didnt bother me..Id heard and seen enough..So we moved..to a friend of my Moms.Interestingly enough this is where I started to go very wrong.At the time I didnt think it was wrong.But food and I had already become enemy's.I wonder sometimes if it was Moms fault.But then I think no I have a mind of my own.How imprinted do we really get? We moved from my Moms friends house and into a city about 40 miles away.With her new boyfriend.I was used to trees and woods and country life.. now I was near drugs,boys and violent people.Staying thin then wasnt hard.Just dont be home.Drink alot,do drugs find boys (at 13) and life will be great. No.

Getting Home...

After arriving home in one peice.Those nights happened often...The fears didnt end there.My drunk father would stagger about,my mom she was a nice drunk who always seemed to make it a bit easier to handle.My Dad once was sitting "cleaning his gun" in the living room while we watched tv and yeah...it went off.Missing my sisters head by inches and plowing a hole through the ugly trailer window sill( I came to love that ugly trailer).All the while Im thinking this is normal.My Mom lived in her own world of reading,exsessive excercise,and starving.I seen it all.I never thought it would do anything to me.It did.I would lay in bed at night plucking out every single one of my eyelashes staring at the blurry light of my nightlight...Yup normal.......I thought...And every night I would wonder if drunk Dad would burn the trailer down messing with the woodstove.Or worrry that my Mom wouldnt take her heart medication because Dad told her she didnt need it.He worked hard and took care of us.That was jist of him.Then. As years went by I seen my Mom starving more.We would eat dinner,she would eat a half an apple and work out in her ugly 80's leotard until she was skin and bones.Skin in bones.Thats what we strive for isnt it? I found out one day my Mom wasnt home anymore.She was in the hospital 40 miles away.She had done it.The skin and bones thing.Now all I had was Dad.......

I Guess I'll Start With...

Photo Credit-Ken Taylor ...........MOM & DAD..Isn't that where it always starts? My first memories are of them drunk.My sister and I huddled in the back seat crying for them to stop going all over the road.The road we were going down had deep ravines on the sides, we were terrified we were going to go into and crash.My first trauma...Alot of people with eating disorders begin with a trauma in there life.That was my first.The place we had just left an old trailer down the road.We could see through the rooms ..it had bullet hole windows......to be continued..

Ive Decided...To Write Out My Life With Eating Disorders..

Starting from 14 yrs old...Im now 35 ..going to be Friday. Thats when it started and thats how long Ive had to deal with fight and fail against it.Ill try to update my story daily.It will help me I think.Starting afer after I take care of my wonderful 9 yr old son and his breakfast.